


live for me

by soibean



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Hospitals, I'm Sorry, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, but i hope you'd be able to follow, i guess?, lots of swearing from jinyoung, this is a maze, this was supposed to have a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-27 11:27:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15023576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soibean/pseuds/soibean
Summary: “What have I fucking done to this world that He hates me damn so much?”





	live for me

**Author's Note:**

> heeeeeey, it's me, and I am back with another uhm... story. Anyways, first and foremost, I tried. I really tried, but I guess my best wasn't good enough. Okay kidding aside. Anyways, I've been in that "angst" mood rn, that's why, I'm sorry /sighs/ however, I'm really so thirsty for jinhwi ff, please post my fave authors, i miss yall, that's why I decided to post this one. I'm sorry for the typographical and grammatical errors, this is unedited.

“W _hat have I fucking done to this world that He hates me damn so much?”_

-

Jinyoung was only 21, he’s just in his junior years in college, he only wanted to live like a normal sophomore would do. So why the fuck does he have to be the one? Of all people, why does it have to be him who have such disability? Of all things that would happen, why did they took away his legs?

Jinyoung wanted to dance, he wants to stand, jump, run, and do all things with his legs. But life seemed to hate him so much that He took away his legs. This disability had taken away so much things from Jinyoung, and he hates it. He really does.

He hates how people, doctors, nurses, even his family throws him a pitying look. He hates how it made him for pitiful. He hates his legs for taking away the only thing he could do, confidently.

They say it was only temporary, but _fuck them and all their lies_. It’s been a month, and Jinyoung had only grew weaker. Each minutes passed, Jinyoung’s hope meter was getting lower. Lower and lower until he have already half-accepted that he would be limp his whole life.

-

Being in the hospital sucked, even though the doctor had already allowed him to go home, yet he decided to stay as much as he hate hospitals, and their foods. He’d better off lying on the hospital bed than go home though. He knew his parents can manage the finances as well, why woudn’t they? Jinyoung was too well-off.

Albeit staying at the hospital for a month, he never stepped outside his room. If he did, he knew he’d just get more discouraging faces. He doesn’t want another person thinking that what happened to him was shameful.

But then, he had been missing the fresh scent of the air, not just a cool breeze coming from his room’s airconditioner. As he throws himself to the wheelchair beside him, he felt someone watching. He turns around to see an unfamiliar boy peeking from the opened door.

The boy immediately scrambled from his notebook, he waves as he turns the notebook around for Jinyoung to read.

**_Hi, I’m Daehwi! I’ve been here since I don’t know when, and_ **

He had took his pen again and writes something, and Jinyoung didn’t know but he was waiting for the boy’s words.

**_I couldn’t speak, but I’m not deaf. Even though, I hope we’d be friends!_ **

The boy, Daehwi’s lips cruves into a smile as he waits for the other’s response. Instead, Jinyoung only looked at him, his stoic expression remains.

**_You’re not going to answer, won’t you? I still wanted to be your friend though. Oh and sorry I couldn’t help you with your wheelchair._ **

“It’s fine, I don’t need your help. And if you’re here to pity me, go away, I don’t need it.” Jinyoung says, as he clicks the button on his wheelchair, and he started moving.

He was about to leave Daehwi when he felt a hand tapping his shoulder, he turns his wheelchair around to see the boy’s notebook.

**_I’m not pitying you! I just wanted to befriend you, is it that bad?_ **

He looks at the boy, and he almost thrown his stoic façade when he saw Daehwi’s pouting face. He sighs, looking at the boy, he immediately knew that he’s not going to give up any sooner. As he had no energy left to argue, he sighs. “Follow me,” he mutters before heading to the elevator.

The boy cheerfully walked beside him, “lead me to the rooftop,” he says, when he sees Daehwi about to write something again. The boy only nodded, and smiles as he assists Jinyoung towards the top of the building.

As they reached the floor, Jinyoung immediately takes in a breathe of air. It’s been long since he had it. Whil he was mesmerizing the beauty of afternoon sun glazing down the tall buildings of Seoul, he felt a light tap on his shoulder. Then, the boy had placed his notebook on Jinyoung’s lap.

**_Hey, I told you already, but I’m Lee Daehwi. I’m already 17, I guess? I can’t really remember. But, I’ve been here for all the times of my life. I am not entirely mute, but I just didn’t like talking. Also, I’m not deaf, get that? I just wanted to befriend you, so please let me! I’m not bad though, it’s not like I’m befriending you for money or anything else. I just want to be friends because I felt lonely. But, I hope you’d get over whatever illness you have. Anyways, I’m Lee Daehwi, alright?_ **

Jinyoung didn’t realized he was smiling throughout the whole paragraph he have read, he looked up and Daehwi was nowhere to be seen already. He sighs, and continued adoring the cities of Seoul below him.

The next day, Daehwi went to his room again. This time he was paler than he was. “What disease do you have?” Jinyoung asks, handing Daehwi his notebook. And, the boy grabs it, and scrambles.

**_I told you, I am mute._ **

Jinyoung could only nod, despite not taking the younger’s answer.

**_Tell me about yourself._ **

He reads, he turns to look at the younger.  “What made you think that I’m going to tell you about myself? I don’t even know if you’re some sort of a kidnapper disguising himself with some cute guy,” Jinyoung pauses, his hands flew to his mouth as he muttered a curse when he realized what had slipped of his mouth.

The younger smiles at him fondly, before writing something again.

**_You trust me._ **

He sighs, he wasn’t wrong anyways. Sure, Jinyoung might still be wary of this stranger, yet something in this boy pulls the string of his heart. He felt content, he forgets about the awful things, and it feels a lot like… love.

He immediately shrugs off the idea, no way would that happen. Not with a complete stranger whose smile brights up his world, whose presence felt home. But then, it felt like it was a familiar feeling with the boy. As if he has been loving him for a long time, and he just realized it now. But, that couldn’t be. It was impossible, since the boy was completely foreign from his memories.

He was woken up from his thoughts when he have seen the boy’s face close to him. He blinks. Then, Daehwi realized what he had done and he jumps off to make a distance from the older. He smiled awkwardly, as he rubs his nape.

And, the sight melts him. A fond smile creeping on his face, as he looked at the embarrassed boy in front of him.

“Why does it felt like I’ve known you for a very long time, but at the same time I don’t know you. Have we ever met before?” he asks. The boy shrugs, and scrambles things on his notebook.

**_I don’t know, maybe we did and fate just happened to made us forget. Or do you believe in reincarnation?_ **

Jinyoung’s eyebrow perks up. He was confused of the boy and his words. But, when he was about to answer, Daehwi quickly wrote something on the paper again.

**_Of course, you don’t, you told me that one time. I just wanted to tease you though._ **

He looks at the boy who was silently laughing of his silliness. But, there’s one thing that caught Jinyoung off.

“I never told you that I don’t believe about that,” he said. The boy was startled, and started fidgeting on his position. He was caught off-guard of the sudden statement.

**_Sorry, I have to go._ **

He scrambles quickly, before putting it on Jinyoung’s lap, and flying away. In a moment, he disappeared from Jinyoung’s sight. He was so confused.

The next day happened, and as if they have already forgotten the scenario yesterday. Although, it still bothered Jinyoung at some way.

-

The next month, and Daehwi was still accompanying the older to the rooftop. Throughout the whole time, Jinyoung felt more comfortable with Daehwi. He has been opening up more than he did back on his friends. His presence was too familiar, that it wasn’t hard for Jinyoung to be comfortable with. It became their sort of routine since that month. Daehwi would appear on his door, lead him to the rooftop, they’d talk about nonsense things and Daehwi would always be the one to leave Jinyoung.

But, this time, it was different. Jinyoung was the one who left the boy. Huffing on his wheelchair as he travels from the rooftop, to his room.

It all started when Daehwi had popped again, in front of his room. He had just sat on his wheelchair when the boy had appeared. They were talking about nonsensical things up until they arrived to the rooftop, well mostly, Jinyoung was the one to talk.

“Hey Daehwi, why don’t I visit your room? You’ve always been the one paying me a visit,” Jinyoung suggested. The younger immediately shook his head.

**_You can’t, hyung. Sorry._ **

“Why not? It’d be a good idea! I wanted to meet your friends as well,” he says, looking at the younger.

**_Hyung, no means no. And, I don’t have friends, okay?_ **

Daehwi had written down, his face shows the annoyed expression as he turns his notebook.

“Then, I could just stay there, and talk with you. I also wanted to see your room, it’s unfair how you let your secret friends in there and not me,” Jinyoung pouts. The boy seemed unaware of how Daehwi’s mood changed, the younger scrambles again, heaving deep breathes.

**_I SAID NO. CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND A NO? IS THAT THE RESULT OF YOU BEING LIMP? I SAID I HAVE NO FRIENDS, AND I AM TELLING THE TRUTH. IT WASN’T LIKE I’M A WELL-OFF LIKE YOU THAT PEOPLE CHASES YOU TO KISS YOUR SHOES. STOP BEING A BRAT AND JUST UNDERSTAND IT’S A NO ALRIGHT?_ **

Jinyoung’s happy expression were immediately replaced with disappointment. He was anticipating of the boy’s answer as he was writing of something long, but then when he had read it, he felt… angry, and sad, and betrayed. He didn’t know Daehwi would insult him of being limp as well. Even saying that people only befriended him for his reputation. And it hurts him. He blinked, completely shock of Daehwi’s words.

“I’m sorry,” he says, before turning around as he moves to the elevator.

That night on, he cried himself to sleep.

-

_“I will remember your name, even if time pass and we become adults.”_

He stirs on his bed, he was awoken by the beautiful voice singing beside him. But, he doesn’t want to open his eyes yet. He was afraid that it would stop if he opens his eyes. He was afraid it’ll disappear if he wakes up.

_“You are the one thing I want to protect.”_

He loves the sound, he loves how its voice sounds perfectly, as if the song was made for that voice.

_“Along with our precious memories, to treasure our bright hearts.”_

He hears the blinds was being opened, and the light peeks in. Carefully hitting his eyes, he tries his best to not open his eyes.

He knows the song, it was too familiar, yet he can’t seem to remember where have he heard it. He wants to remember it, the song makes his heart tumble an unfamiliar beat. As if it was deeply engraved on his heart, he knows it by heart. Yet, he can’t remember.

_“My heart who only serves one person.”_

He was begging for it to not come to an end. His mind was filled with stained memories, he can’t remember, why can’t he remember it? The song felt like it was something that he’s been wanting to hear, yet he doesn’t even know it.

_“Calls your name softly.”_

A tear escaped, and as if on cue, he slowly opened his eyes. To see someone, whose back was facing him. Even the backview was familiar to him.

“Daehwi,” he whispers, and the boy, surprised, turns around. Jinyoung felt bad to see the boy’s tear-stained face, he sniffed as he jumps to the older, hugging him.

The boy sobs on Jinyoung’s chest, he just whimpered, with no words. The older felt his dress getting wet, but he didn’t mind. His mind were filled of Daehwi, his voice, his cries, his warmth. He felt a sense of nostalgia. It felt like it has always been in the right place.

His mind that drifted off somewhere had went back to his senses when he heard Daehwi’s cry became louder, he hushes the younger before wrapping his arms around the boy’s shoulder, caressing it softly.

“Daehwi, it’s fine. It’s alright now,” he whispers to him. They stayed like that for some minutes until Daehwi’s cries died down. He was left with hiccups and sniffles, he looked at Jinyoung. “I’m really sorry, hyung. It’s just that, you’re the only person I have now. Please don’t be angry at me anymore,” Daehwi says, stuttering and sniffing in between his sentences. The older nods, and ruffles the boy’s hair.

“You’re forgiven, and I won’t insist of visiting your room if you really hate the idea. But one thing, you should always visit me, okay?” Jinyoung said, smiling.

Daehwi nodded, before making an ‘okay’ sign through his hands.

-

The next day, Daehwi shows up with his notebook and pen. Jinyoung pouts at the sight.

**_What?_ **

“I thought you’re going to continue speaking like you did yesterday,” he reasoned out as he taps the space beside him where Daehwi sat as he scrambles on his notebook. “Oh wait, it’s a new notebook,” Jinyoung exclaims after seeing the violet cover instead of the pink cover of Daehwi’s past notebook.

**_My voice is gold, I must not waste it._ **

**_Oh, Jinyoung. I can’t believe you noticed that. I’m proud of you._ **

“Jinyoung? Where’s the honorifics, you kid?” the older smacks Daehwi’s head lightly, and they both laughed.

**_It’s because I don’t know a lot of infos about you, idiot hyung._ **

He snorted. “I am Bae Jinyoung. May 10, 2001. A year older than you. You say you don’t know a lot about me, yet you act like you know me. Tell me, Daehwi, we’ve met before, right?” he asks, and Daehwi sighs. “And, I feel so attacked right now,” he overreacts by clutching his chest, and Daehwi could only roll his eyes before writing down on his notebook.

**_I’m a mute who can read minds. Bwalala, you like me, don’t you?_ **

Jinyoung blinks, and nodded. He fondly watches how the boy’s teasing face turns into a confused one, then to a face that was flushed red.

“You’re right. I like you, Lee Daehwi,” he whispers as he leans closer to kiss him. Closer, and closer until their lips touch, his eyes were shut tightly. He tried so hard not to tremble, it took him a lot of courage and then here they are. He is kissing the boy he’ve met a month ago, and it felt a lot like heaven.

Jinyoung’s eyes were still shut tight. Until they’ve decided to distance themselves, he felt the heat from his face, yet the smile never faded. Not even until he heard no response from the other. By the time he opened his eyes, he saw no one. Daehwi left already.

He sighs.

-

The next two days, Daehwi has yet to visit him since that day. Jinyoung’s worried of him, he really does. He was really anticipating to see the boy again, and now, he was seated on his wheelchair.

His face lights up when he heard the door opened, expecting for the boy. “Where have you been? I was waiting for you—” his sentence were cut off when he turns around.

“My son’s expecting someone?” his mother laughs. As if on cue, his face falls into a frown. “I’m not that person you’re expecting, but at least, be happy,” she teased.

Jinyoung sighs, moving himself from his wheelchair back to the bed. “You’re here, mom, yehey,” he cheers indifferently. Pressing his lips shut.

“Anyways, I’ve already talked to the doctor. Still not want to go home? Little Woojin misses you,” his mother says, as he puts down the fruit basket on Jinyoung’s bedside table.

The boy shakes his head, and shrugged. He wasn’t ready to go home yet. He doesn’t want to go home in his current state.

“You can still do things without the help of your legs, hon. Besides, it’s just temporary. You’re father’s still waiting for you to come home,” she reasoned, peeling the apple and giving it to her son. He smiled before eating it.

The room was filled with the sound of his mother’s phone ringing, “I have to go, baby, I’ll ask big Woojin and Jihoon to visit you,” she says before kissing his son’s forehead and leaving.

He sighed, as he moved himself to his wheelchair once again. There he went to the rooftop. It was good that there are nobody up there.

He felt the tears clouded his vision, he felt useless because he lost his legs. He couldn’t even remember how everything happened, he just woke up and the doctor tells him he couldn’t walk just yet. And, he doesn’t want to see his father’s rage yet.

He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder, he leans on it, knowing who it was.

“I’m afraid, Hwi. I’m afraid, I can’t face my father anymore with this state. I know I’ve became useless because of this, and my father hates me already. Why of all people it has to be me?” Jinyoung cries, “What have I done to this fucking world that He hates me so much?” he screams, the tears continuously streams on his cheeks. The skies roars and cried with Jinyoung.

Daehwi didn’t say anything, he walked in front of Jinyoung and smiling, as he wraps his arms around the older. The boy leans into his touches. “I’m sorry,” Daehwi whispered.

-

“Jinyoung, are you sure you’re okay?” the doctor in front of him asked, as he was finished listing the boy’s progress throughout the month.

The boy nodded, “I told you, I’m fine,” he sighs.

“You sure, you don’t hallucinate or maybe your vision blurs or anything?”

Jinyoung shakes his head in response, the older male sighed before nodding. “Anyways, why aren’t you attending the rehabilitations?” he added. The boy shakes his head once more, and the male could only sigh, knowing that he won’t be able to change his mind.

He smiles to Jinyoung before waving a goodbye.

-

The days went so quick. Jinyoung and Daehwi had gotten a lot more closer during those times, and the boy had opened up a lot more to Daehwi as well. The same routine happened, where Daehwi visits him, and they would both go upstairs.

Unless, this time was different. Jinyoung was waiting for Daehwi on his bed, like the usual. But, the boy has yet to appear. He was currently roaming his eyes in his whole room, when something had piqued his interest. Atop the table on the corner of the room, there lies a silver camera. He got up, as he opened it. It looked old, but he still managed to turn the device on.

He immediately went to see the images.

There were a total of 350 images inside it, and mostly, it was pictures of someone he knew. It was picture of Daehwi, smiling in front of the camera, candid shots, and all. But what piqued his attention was their photo. The two of them. Jinyoung and Daehwi, who was smiling at the camera, wearing black and pink shirts respectively. The both boys formed a heart with their arms, and they look really close.

He heard his door being slammed open, and Daehwi paused when he saw the thing that the older was holding, his eyes went wide, and he runs to Jinyoung and snatching the camera from the boy.

“Lee Daehwi. Who are you, really?” he asks, he doesn’t know why but it suffocates him, he felt so hurt yet he doesn’t know why, “Please. Tell me the truth,” he begs, and a tear escaped his eyes. Why does his heart hurts so much? Why does it pains him a lot?

Daehwi closes his eyes, and he heaved a sigh, before sitting on the couch. Before writing something down on his notepad.

**You’re a friend of mine. Actually, I’ve known you through Woojin-hyung, Park Woojin. Although we were so different back then, we immediately clicked. We eventually became bestfriends, and we were inseparable. Until our middle school life came. I had to go to Los Angeles, and we didn’t had a proper farewell since you were very upset of the idea, me leaving. Three years when I came back, everything has already changed. Then, I see you here, and you couldn’t remember me anymore.**

“Is that all? Is that the truth?” he asks, and Daehwi nods.

**I’m sorry for hiding it.**

Jinyoung nods, “It’s alright, at least, I know now why you felt so familiar. I’m just shocked,” he smiled. “But, hey, you still left me unanswered back then,” and Daehwi perks his eyebrow up as he looked confused.

“You know that last month when I kissed you, I told you, I like you. But, you left me then, and I still have no answers,” he said, and Daehwi blushes when he realized what the boy was pertaining to. “Do you like me too, or not?” he asks.

The boy fiddles with the paper on his hands, his eyes locked on the floor as if it was the most entertaining thing right now, before nodding shyly.

“So, are we dating now?”

And the boy nods again. “Boyfriends?” Jinyoung asks.

Daehwi wrote on his note: **Boyfriends.**

-

Five months had already passed since he woke up, finding himself in a limp state. Throughout those months, he was accompanied by Daehwi, and now his boyfriend. The months where his family rarely visits him, he found comfort on the latter, and Jinyoung was more than thankful for the boy. Daehwi had became his pillar, his strength, his sunshine, his everything as they work out this relationship.

It was one of the usual nights, where Jinyoung was on the rooftop. Letting the cold wind hit his skin, he would shiver, but he would let it. It was one of the usual bad nights again. Lately, he is getting more depressed. He felt useless, again. He felt empty, and he just blames himself for everything. The loneliness is eating him as well. Everyday was getting harder and harder to live.

He silently whimpers, trying so hard to compress the sobs from escaping his lips. His hands had made its way to smack his chest, it was even harder to breathe. Each day was like a living hell, everytime he’d wake up on his isolated room, they would whisper negatives to him. It was suffocating. He wanted to cover his ears, but he also wanted to hear them. So, he’d find a reason to kill himself.

But, he would forget everything, everytime he sees Daehwi. The boy became his hope, his motivation to live. He finds courage by seeing the boy, he  could feel the happiness again, whenever he kisses him, and he doesn’t feel lonely whenever the boy locks him in between his arms.

He felt a hand brushes on his hair, he didn’t bothered looking up. Every single night, Daehwi would do this to him. Everytime the demons inside him would try to break him, he was always there to reassure Jinyoung he wasn’t alone.

They stayed like that, silence feeling the space between them. They could only hear the sirens and horns of the cars below them, hiding the sound of Jinyoung’s ugly sobs.

When Jinyoung finally calmed down, Daehwi had tap his shoulder, and slid his notebook on the older’s lap.

**Hyung, please live for me.**

The statement made Jinyoung looked up, eyes widening. The younger scrambles on his notebook again.

**Please find a reason to stay. You have to live, hyung. You must live.**

He was confused, he wanted to ask questions yet he couldn’t seem to find the words to say. He continued looking at Daehwi, his eyes wanders on the boy’s features. The way his face softens as he writes, or how it brightens whenever he looks at him, just makes his heart drum an unfamiliar rhythm. The thumping of his heart, reminds him of being alive.

**Hyung, do the rehabilitation. Once you walk again, get out of this hospital. Wherever you go, I promise that I’ll be with you. Find another motivation for you to live, and live your life the happiest.**

“Why does it seem like you’re saying goodbye?” he asks, his hands are trembling just the thought of Daehwi leaving him.

Daehwi smiles at him, shaking his head.

**I’m not. It hurts me seeing you like this, I just wanted you to feel alive.**

“You make me feel alive,” he grabs Daehwi’s hands as he puts it on the left part of his chest, “you make this beat so fast, and I’d realize I’m still breathing. It beats for you, you are the reason why I’m here,” he says, pulling the boy closer and leaning to kiss the boy.

“Thank you,” Daehwi says.

-

After that night, Jinyoung had decided to do the rehabilitation. The first time he did it, it was awkward. He couldn’t feel his legs, and his arms were his only support. He was having a hard time moving his limbs inches by inches.

A few more weeks and he’s starting to get better, he starts enjoying rehabilitations. After his rehab, he would always find himself on the rooftop with Daehwi as he tells him stories about what happened during those hours. The boy was really happy that Jinyoung had started to improve.

Day by day, slowly, the boy forgets about the demons. Sure, there were nights where he would cry himself to sleep, but Daehwi was there to stay with him during those nights. Daehwi would hum him to sleep every bad nights, but he wouldn’t see the boy the next morning.

Jinyoung was still happy. He started to appreciate life, with the help of Daehwi. Maybe if it wasn’t for the boy, he must have really given up on his situation. The doctors were impressed of his improvement. In just a month, he could walk already, despite having an awkward stature while walking, it was an improvement nevertheless.

As Jinyoung improves, the other boy’s health was getting worse. One day, Daehwi had went to Jinyoung’s room, and he was pale. Daehwi was grateful that he didn’t noticed the blood stain on his shirt then. It was getting harder and harder for him, as Jinyoung gets better. Now, he couldn’t speak anymore. It hurts like crazy when he opens his mouth.

It was still fine, Daehwi didn’t bothered talking anymore. But then, he knew it wasn’t when he almost fainted on the rooftop. His vision blurs, and he immediately fled away from Jinyoung when he felt the pain. The pain was undescribable, it hurts him too much, he wanted to scream but it drains his strength. He was getting worser everyday, that he stopped coming to Jinyoung’s room.

However, Jinyoung was still waiting for Daehwi. Despite the boy being missing for the past week already, but it was okay. Jinyoung’s going to wait anyways. He was very excited to show Daehwi how much he improved, he could walk in a straight line already.

-

The door opens. “Jinyoung!” he hears a familiar voice, he quickly turns around to see Jihoon and his boyfriend, Woojin. He smiles, he had missed seeing the two. It’s been long, and he was pretty sure the both were busy as they were already graduating.

“Hyung, you never visited me!” Jinyoung huffs, a little sulky. And, Woojin laughs at him, as he ruffles the younger’s hair. “Sorry dude, we’re seniors already, and projects after projects,” Woojin sighs.

The three had a little more chats regarding their lives while Jinyoung was gone, until the two asked the younger how he was doing. “I’ve been fine, I was actually about to give up, but someone saved me from drowning. I have a boyfriend, now,” Jinyoung was excited to tell them. The two were intrigued of the boy’s statement.

“He hasn’t visited me yet, but if he does, I’ll make sure to introduce you to him. He’s a kind person, and cute, and mushy, and pretty,” Jinyoung thinks of his love’s face, and he melts.

Woojin pats his shoulder, “spill,” he exclaims.

“His name is Daehwi,” he smiles triumphly. The both smiles had fell, eyebrows perking upwards as they looked at each other.

“Daehwi? You mean — Lee Daehwi?” Woojin asks him, his pupils are shaking from shock. Jinyoung nods, “how’d you know? Oh, he told me, we were friends back then so I believe you knew him,” he explains.

Woojin and Jihoon couldn’t believe it. No, is this really happening? _Jinyoung might have suffered from amnesia since that accident._ They thought, _he probably forgot about everything and believes on the boy._

“Jinyoung? Did the accident really shook your head, or what?” Jihoon asks him, the latter was confused, and muttering a soft _huh_ to the older. “Okay, I get it. You probably remembered that Daehwi and you dated. But, Jinyoung, Daehwi’s already dead. It’s been a year and —” Jihoon was cut off his words when Woojin had covered his mouth with his palm. Jihoon tried brushing the boy’s hand from his mouth.

“What?” Jinyoung asks, “No, he’s not dead! Hyung, you probably haven’t seen him! He was with me last week, and the past months. He stayed with me, and helped me! Hyung, stop pranking me!” Jinyoung laughs, trying to cover what the boy said as a joke. _Yep, it was a joke, they’re joking. Because, my boyfriend is real, and alive._ “Alright, I lost. Now, show me the hidden cameras!” Jinyoung excitedly shouts as he looked at the two, a hopeful expression plastered on his face.

He turns to look at Woojin, “hey hyung, bring Daehwi out now. He probably told you, did he planned all this?” he asks, laughing at himself, “it wasn’t even my birthday, what’s with the fuss?”

Jihoon successfully pushed Woojin aside, “Wake up, Jinyoung. You’re still probably comatosed. Daehwi is dead, get it? He is dead,” soon Jihoon found his self pinned on the wall, he saw the rage in Jinyoung’s eyes as he pulls up his collar.

“DAEHWI ISN’T DEAD! HE ISN’T DEAD!” Jinyoung screams at his face before falling down, he puts his hands on his hair. “No, he couldn’t be dead, because he was with me all the time. Yeah, the rooftop! He’s probably there,” he tells himself before running upstairs. Jihoon and Woojin were calling for his name, but he still runs to the rooftop. He would fall and trip, but he would always stand up.

_Daehwi isn’t dead. He is alive._

He saw a familiar frame on their usual spot, his back were turned away from him.

“Daehwi,” he yells, running to the boy. The younger gives him a sweet smile.

“See? You’re alive! They’re saying you are dead, and I know you are alive, you are!” Jinyoung exclaims.

“Hyung, sorry.” Daehwi mutters, stuttering. He closes his eyes, compressing the pain he’s feeling.

“Sorry? No, Hwi. Don’t be, they are wrong, they’re saying you’re dead,” Jinyoung laughs.

“Hyung, please live. Even if you don’t remember. I love you so much,”

“Why? Why are you telling me this?”

“Hyung, I have to go. It’s finished,”

“What’s finished? Daehwi, tell me, please, oh God no!” he screams, as he sees the younger fading. The blue light slowly eating him. _Daehwi is disappearing._ He hugs him, he wraps his arms onto his form. “Daehwi don’t leave. No, Daehwi! Hwi!” he screams. Until, there was nothing. He was hugging the air. He breaks down. “Why did I even woke up? This is a nightmare. Why did I even when the person I love is already asleep?” he asked the heaven, crying, whimpering in pain.

_So, that’s why? That’s why you wanted me to live. Because, you couldn’t._

“Woojin, should we get him?” Jihoon asks, tears rolling down his face. The older shakes his head, “He needs some space,” and Jihoon nods as they turn to leave.

-

“Hyung, tell me, everything. I wanted to know what really happened,” Jinyoung asks, and the both turns to look at each other before nodding. “I shouldn’t have woken up. Maybe if I didn’t, I would be with him. Why is life so cruel?” the tears were gathering on his swollen eyes again.

“Hyung, please,” he begged. The two nodded, and Woojin lets Jihoon to tell the whole story, since he himself couldn’t accept what have had happened yet.

“Everything started back in our primary schools…

-

**Primary**

“Jihoonie, I’m so jealous that you found another bestfriend. And now you’re trying to pair me with your new bestfriend’s bestfriend,” Jinyoung pouts, but he still followed Jihoon to the park near their school. The older only rolled his eyes, how couldn’t he? Jinyoung was being petty.

“Jinyoung, meet Woojin. I’m going to marry him when we gets older. And, he is Lee Daehwi, his best man, he could get married to you!” Jihoon exclaims, Woojin smiles at him while Daehwi’s eyes shone. Jinyoung’s face turned red at the sight of the boy.

It turns even more red when Daehwi clings to him, “I’ll marry you,” he giggles. “It’s fine, because you’re pretty,” he added before kissing Jinyoung’s cheek.

Jinyoung maybe awkward, but Daehwi was really persistent. They ended up being best of friends, and people would coo how cute the two.

**Middle School**

Then, they’ve became middle schoolers, Daehwi ends up flying to Los Angeles. He informed his bestfriend a day before his flight. Jinyoung ends up sulking all night, and had overslept causing him not to see Daehwi before he leaves. Jinyoung cried for a whole two months because of it. Eventually, the boy had forgotten of the former.

**High School**

Time flies quickly and they were now on their third year of high school, Daehwi goes back to Korea. He met up with Woojin and Jihoon, the two had accompanied the boy as he wasn’t familiar of the city anymore. Everything has changed, they’ve grown taller, with the buildings becomes higher as well. Their faces became matured as well, as well as the personalities.

Jinyoung ends up hating Daehwi (he didn’t recognized the boy), because he was receiving all the two boy’s attention that was supposed to be for him. Until, Daehwi came to him with a: _“Jinyoung-hyung, your groom is back!”_ and jumps to hug the boy. As if on cue, the feelings came back.

Throughout that whole year, Jinyoung ends up pining over the boy. It became frustrating, they both liked each other, yet they didn’t have the guts to tell. Everyone who knows them could see how much they like each other, they could even think the two were dating, which is unfortunately not.

**College**

It continued like this until the freshman years. Daehwi and Jinyoung seemed so inseparable as they were enrolled in the same department, and Jihoon and Woojin in the dance department. The both became roommates, until before their freshman years ends, Jinyoung decided to take Daehwi on a trip.

It was raining cats and dogs, they shouldn’t have went to a roadtrip that time. Jinyoung was miserable, his parents were going through a divorce and Jinyoung ends up getting a fight with his father. So he needed a time away from everything. The both decided to camp on some hills.

As they tuned in a radio, they were jamming with BTS’ Spring Day, Jinyoung was driving as they went up the mountain.

“Hyung, do you like me?” Daehwi suddenly asked, taking Jinyoung aback. Surprised, Jinyoung started sweating, his pupils were shaking, he was too nervous. He looked at Daehwi, “I do?” he said in a confused tone.

Daehwi smiles at him, “I like you,” he says. When Jinyoung was about to answer, they heard a loud horn from a truck that was about to collide with them. Jinyoung turns the wheel in panic and they fell over the cliff.

Jinyoung turns unconscious as their car rolled down the hill. Soon, the sirens of ambulances and firetruck were heard. “Hyung, please live,” Daehwi whispers, looking at Jinyoung’s unconscious state, before letting go of his hand when the boy was getting pulled off the car. Daehwi could see the gas spilling, and he could only close his eyes and pray.

 _“God, please let Jinyoung live,”_ he prays before the fire ate him alive.

-

When Daehwi woke up, he was inside a room. It was brightly lit despite having no doors, or windows.

The first thing that came to his mind was: _“Is Jinyoung-hyung alive?”_

Soon he hears a voice roared in the corners of the small space. _“Lee Daehwi. Do you have any regrets?”_

Regrets? Does he have one? Daehwi was that kind of person who was content. Why wouldn’t he be? They are financially stable, he has a healthy and loving parents, he has his precious friends, and Jinyoung. Bae Jinyoung. What does he want to do? _Bae Jinyoung._ He wanted to save Bae Jinyoung from the abyss that was eating him, he doesn’t want to let Bae Jinyoung fall into a misery after this.

_“I see. Bae Jinyoung,”_

_“As of now, Bae Jinyoung is comatosed. A year would pass before he wakes up, and will forget about you. He will forget nothing but you. And, you have to save him from his demons. I’ll give you a year. But if you’ll accept this one, no one, not even your family, will remember everything about you. Will you take it?”_

-

“Jinyoung? What’s that on your pocket?” Woojin asks, pointing on a paper sticking out on his pocket. He picks it up, and saw a familiar blue marker engraved on the letter.

**Lee Daehwi to Bae Jinyoung**

**Hyung, I’m sorry I couldn’t explain everything to you. You know why I introduced myself as a mute to you? Because, I don’t want you to recognize my voice, but my presence. And, maybe you did. Anyways, I am contented that you appreciate life now, please continue living. He has more plans for you. I couldn’t make this longer, my hands are weak, and I’m getting weaker and weaker everyday. It’s hard to even write. Hyung, thank you for the months, and I thank Him for letting me be with you for the last time. Find your reason to live. Thank you for listening to my advices, for doing your rehabilitation, and everything. I will always love you. Live longer.**

  
  
  
  
  


Jinyoung felt as if he just woke up. He looks at his hand to see a piece of paper, it was blank, he looks at it over and saw a blue ink on the back.

**Lee Daehwi**

“Jinyoung-ah, why do you looked like you just cried?” Woojin asks him, tapping his shoulder.

 

“I don’t know as well,” he shrugs.


End file.
